funny masturbation stories

Vox · #1 **funny masturbation stories** 04-05-2007

well i wanted to find out why my nuts were hurting, so i went to this site. i found some pretty funny questions while looking at it,

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I have been masturbating on average of 10 - 14 times a day, sometimes more for years. I know this is compulsive now. I have been having trouble getting erections...could I have caused some damage? My urologist ruled out Peyronie's Disease. As the erections became less and less, I developed a technique when flaccid where I would grip the base of my penis and pull down toward the head and then with my other hand pull down on the testicles. It would help the erection. Just a few months ago I could get hard just thinking about it, but now it's not moving at all. There was never any pain but I am wondering if after a year or so of this that it would develop nerve damage.(age 31)

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When I masturbate I grab my penis through a blanket so that it simulates a vagina. Is that OK? (age 13)

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I have never had problems getting erections, as a matter of fact, I used to think I got too many. I would have sex with my girlfriend twice a day and we would be fine. We hadn't had sex for a month because she was away at school, and she came back and I couldn't keep it up. I have always masturbated the right way, but in the past month I have been masturbating by putting my penis underneath my mattress. Is only one month of this causing me to not be erect? If so, what do I do? (age 19)

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I recently began masturbating (about a month ago). For the past week I have done it a few times a day. Sometimes I don't even get an orgasm. How can you tell if what comes out is precum or semen? When I masturbate, the liquid just slowly drips out. There is a small red sore right under the head of my penis. (age 13)

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I have started masturbating a lot more recently. Once I cut myself doing it, and a scab formed, so I stopped for a while, and now I have a black mark on the left side of my penis. It's been there for about 1.5 months, and I just thought it was a bruise, but now I dont know what it is. (age 17)

beating off with a knife?

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My penis starts to ache when I stroke it, and I never get aroused. Is this normal? (age 15)

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If I masturbate with my own spit, is it ok? I think it's better than lotion. (age 13)

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I've noticed that urine comes out during ejaculation and gives a yellow colour to my semen. What should I do? Does diet help in this respect? (age 18)

that must suck.

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I masturbate 6-7 times a month and I think my penis has gotten crooked as a result of this overmasturbation. (age 21)

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Does masturbation change how you will do in sports? I heard that if you masturbate 48 hours before a game you will play worse than if you had not masturbated. (age 13)

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I go to the gym and jerk off a lot. Will this decrease sperm counts and testicle size? (age 16)

hopefully he doesn't do it in the gym...

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I was masturbating a little while ago and I think I masturbated too fast and my foreskin abruptly came off, and I slowly wrapped it up again. Am I in deep trouble? (age 19)

hahahahahaha

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I masturbated for 5 hours straight yesterday. Now my penis is very swollen and bad looking. Will this go away? (age 20)

and the best one for last...

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Someone gave me a nipple-twister and it hurt like hell! That was almost 4 months ago, and I still have this bruise. It looks bigger and abnormal to my other one. I bring this up because masturbating makes my other nipple get bigger, but the weird one stays the same. I was wondering if I should do anything about it. Does TMS permanently hurt you? I think I've only done that 7 times in a year of masturbating. (age 12)

well i hoped you enjoyed those as much as i did. i was actually laughing.